We're Back!

22:15 hrs.
28 Jan 15

     The whirlwind trip is over and I have survived. Actually, I have been back since Sunday as I was expected back on shift on Monday. I left YQQ only to land in YYC only to double back to YLW. A friend of my Li'l Sis picked me up and deposited me at the Elders residence. The Matriarch knew nothing of it. Scared the crap out of her. This would be repeated Friday morning when Li'l Sis showed up from Cowtown.

     There will be some shake ups hapoening around the Valley. First off is the closing of the Target store in Courtenay. Some 113 outlets are closing across the country. Was the expansion north of the 49th Parallel done to fast? Maybe. I know I only shopped there once or twice. It was supposed to replace the Zeller's and despite damn near doubling their floor space prior to opening Target was, in some ways, worse than Zeller's. I say this because alot of people had shopped at Target south of the border and they were really looking forward to it being here. Speaking locally, the Valley was especially looking forward to it  because the Zeller's was worn out. The staff didn't care, products sucked and the manager, in my humble opinion, was 50% of the problem. So, here comes Target. Bright and shiny. Cheery management, helpful staff, the Courtenay location had products too. So, what was it that was wrong? Pricing and variety. People expected the pricing, after conversion from the greenback, to be cheaper that the local competitors. Didn't happen. And the people expected the expanded variety of products like the see Down South. Again, it didn't happen. In the end, a shitload of people are gonna be out on their ear. If your part of the management team you'll get a severance package. If your stocking shelves you might get a warm hand shake before the door hits you in the ass on the way out. Now, Target still has product that has to liquidate.  No word on when that's going to happen but the shopping buzzards are starting to line the roof tops waiting for the feast.

     I spotted in the T&C paper that the local MLA Don McRae is stepping down from his cabinet position. Citing family health problems his position is being passed onto an elected member from just south of THE VALLEY.  The reason that I bring this up is not so much that there is a change at the helm of that particular portfolio but to question why it was not reported in the Local Birdcage Liner. This is the home base for McRae's riding and the Local Rag doesn't even cover it. Maybe, Minister McRae didn't tell them simply because he knows that nobody reads it.

     Look, we have two local papers and both are delivered twice a week. One is chock full of flyers and the other is full of crap. And they both report the same stories! It is high time to eliminate one paper through absorbtion. Get rid of one, produce the paper once a week and do a good job. I know there is not enough local news for a daily paper but what news there is cannot fill twin copies twice a week. That's just a waste of newsprint. Now, I get a lot of my news on my hand-held but I still relish a hot coffee and a good paper to start off my weekend.

     Speaking of almagamating things in THE VALLEY, don't you think its time that we unify THE VALLEY itself? Weld together the main three towns. Well, two of them anyways because realistically no one wants the Wild Wild West to be brought in. But, Comox and Courtenay could easily be unified. This would reduce administration costs, increase services and possibly reduce taxes. The only sticking point is the old time residents of Comox. They are afraid of losing their identity. GET OVER IT!

     If you want to save money in your area look at getting rid of your school board. There are more and more cities that are getting rid of the school board and are running the schools directly from city hall. It really is time that we do this. Why? If you can rell me in ten words or less what the hell school trustee does to earn their gold plated pay then we'll keep them. If not...they get the chop. NYC Mayor Bloomburg eliminated the entire highly inefficient New York school board and ran it directly from the mayor's office. If nothing else it's something to think about.

A Quick Sojourn!

14:16 hrs (Mtn)
21 Jan 15

     Do you want you sub toasted?
     Yes, please.

     Do you want a drink?
     No, thank you.

     Should have had the sub fresh and accepted the drink. Over toasted bread crumbs wafted into my esophagus and created some distress. Like hacking up a lung. Airport food is never on the cutting edge. And way over priced. Fifteen bucks for a Mozza burger and onion rings? Am I paying for Kobe beef? I think not. So anything realistically affordable, be it Subway, Sbarro, or the Manchu Wok, all tastes suspiciously the same. The great comedian Steve Martin once did a routine where he suggested that all the stuff in McDonald's came out of this huge vat of goo. Fries, shakes, burgers, cardboard boxes and even your change was piped in and formed out this mysterious gelatinous stuff. Its on the same albym as the Cruel Shoes. Look it up. It's pretty funny shit.

     So, why am I in a Mountain time zone that is so far from my beloved Left Coast Paradise?

     Well, its a circuitous route that one has to take if you want to fly on a dependable airline (West Jet) from the Island to the interior of the province to surprise one's Mom for her BIRTHDAY!  And let me tell you that it looks just awful outside in YYC. Its about -2C and there's all this white stuff all over the ground. Li'l Sis says its dandruff but I don't believe her.

     The crumbs are attacking my throat agaon. Time for a drink.

Hiding in PLAIN SIGHT!

05:54 hrs.
20 Jan 15

     I guess that's the real trick isn't it?    Hiding in plain sight. The ability to remain invisible and to operate undetected is the greatest attribute of any spy, undercover officer, thief and also any paedophile. This little discussion comes from an article I spotted on the CBC news app website. It seems that a manager within the BC Ministry of Children and Family Development has been charged with the possession of child pornography.

     There was a military captain in the VALLEY that was found with porn on his home and work computer. He was tried. Convicted too. He's still in. Works in a highly supervised position with no computer access. There is an up coming case in the VALLEY of a former youth leader that was found with child porn as well. I don't know when it will start but it has the potential to be explosive.

Surprise!

06:20 hrs.
17 Jan 15

     Do you like surprises?
     I know I do. Good or bad. A surprise will keep you on your toes and get your ass out of the rut you've been living in. It's a sudden change that shows that your still alive. Does it matter if you're the surprisee or the surprisor? I don't think so. Would it matter if it was you or your BETTER HALF who suggested that you suddenly go for a walk? Of course not. So, step off the curb and dance in the puddles!

     There are some who do not like surprises. To hell with them. If you can't enjoy giving or recieving a surprise then take a flying leap.

     On to some more local stuff.
     Its been drizzling here in the VALLEY for the past couple of days which means there will be more snow in them thar hills. The one thing the rain is not doing is alleviating the Boil Water Advisory that has been issued for the majority of the VALLEY.  This advisory had been put into place more than a month ago when a high amount of rainfall caused a high level of turbidity in Comox Lake. Turbidity is defined as being thick or opaque with sediment; deficient in clarity or purity. The water in the lake was silty from a high level of run-off from the Cruikshank river and the many creeks that flow into the lake, the source of water for much of the VALLEY's residents. The fear is that some of this silt may contain bacteria, hence the advisory. Bullshit!

11:05 hrs.
18 Jan 15

     Rain and more rain. That is the normal forcast for the VALLEY.  So, when will this advisory be lifted. I don't know. One this for sure the District is looking into why there are no filters installed on the water system that supplies the VALLEY.

     Does your water taste muddy? Do you have a compromised immune system?  If the answer is yes then ypu must take the steps outlined by the District. If not, don't worry about it. At the WAYWARD INN it's business as usual.

The Things You See...

05:55 hrs.
12 Jan 15

      Dear Readers, I apologize for not keeping the faith with my blogging. Things have come up lately that have kept me from you. Please accept my apology.

     The other day, while enroute into the City, I was stopped at the intersection by Beaver Convenience heading west. At the bus stop there was a young lady listening to her phone when this street guy approached her. Jeans, t-shirt, runners, all the while puffing away on a cigarette. He turns around to face her and I see that the ass of his pants is ripped. And not just ripped a little bit. I'm talking almost from the top of his back pockets to the bottom of his ass cheeks. Now, the questions that come to mind are these - Does he know that his pants are air conditioned? Does he care? Is this a new street fashion trend that I am unaware of but should be concerned about in case my two Couch Monkeys decide to start cutting the ass out of their pants? It was obvious that the young lady listening to her phone had spotted the new moon as each time he turned his back to her she would look away. And then the light turned GREEN ...

17:00 hrs.
13 Jan 15

     My BETTER HALF has given me a fine hair cut.  I'm as shorn as if I was back in bootcamp. It would make a Marine proud. High speed and low drag.

     Things have been pretty dry here in the VALLEY,  by Left Coast standards. The snow up on Mt. Washington is no where near the depth it should be. The hope is by the end of the season it will be nearing 10 metres in depth. The heavy snow pack ensures a long melt and the hope for a short forest fire season. Of course, this would also be beneficial to all of the woodland critters both large and small.

     For those of you who have been to the WAYWARD INN you will be interested in knowing that my BETTER HALF has finally convinced me that we should ho through with a major renovation. I have dubbed it Operation Jericho. The project will be comprised of two main components. The first will be to cut a six foot wide hole from floor to ceiling in the middle of living room wall adjoining the Finetti Suite. Removing this section will allow light from the front window to flood into the living room. It will also us to see out through the front of the house. Kinda cool how that works. To protect the privacy of any guests, there will be two - three foot wide solid wooden doors hung on an overhead barn door style track. The bed, which has been enjoyed by so many, will be replaced with a Murphy bed. This will free up floor space to put my BETTER HALF's puzzle table near the front window.

     Phase Two of Op Jericho is to remove, yes remove, the living room walls to create one massive room that will cover the kitchen, dining room and living room. No walls and no dividers. Great for entertaining. Some would argue that for those visiting the WAYWARD INN may be subjected to an inordinate amount of noise. Personally, I don't think so. Not more than what they would experience in a normal household. And besides, if you're not a morning person you'll just have to live with it.

     I haven't heard much from my Cuz'n in River City.  I'm sure the new job has her all tied up. My LOBSTER's Travelling Relatives, also from River City, are still galavanting across the South Pacific.  We have no idea when they're planning on returning. I'm sure that on their return they will have a great many stories with which to regale us. In the mean time, your humble Chef has some new techniques to master. If you have Netflix,  and many of you do, there is a series from 2012 called "The Mind of a Chef". Narrated by one of my faves, Chef Anthony Bourdain, it follows two chefs in 36 episodes over an insane amount of topics and covering a radical number of recipes. Take a look and when you next visit the WAYWARD INN you might just recognize something that have seen.

Bon Apetit!

Oh, Glorious Elixir!

11:40 hrs.
08 Jan 15

     Yesterday I met with my former supervisor and his sidekick for a coffee. Surprisingly, he said for me to meet him at the McCafe. The what? The McCafe!

     Nestled to the Thrifty's on top of Ryan Rd. and across from Home Despot is the new McDonald's. Or shall I say the McCafe. It would seem that the great Mickey D Empire is trying to make inroads into Tim's and Starbucks territory.   I've said it before and I'll say it again. McDonald's has no business making coffee. It truly is Craaaap! The temperature was so hot I could have hard boiled an egg in the time it took for it to cool down enough for me to sample. Oh sure, the new building is loaded with fine decor and semi-efficient minimum wage employees but their attempt at purveying anything that resembles coffee is wasted on the fact that it, in my opinion, tastes like the squeezings from the wool socks worn by an infanteer who has been in the field for a month. Again, in my opinion, if you really enjoy the Benzene Americano served at the McCafe outlets please drink as much as you can. It will save someone else from the suffering.

     At the corner of Guthrie and Pritchard is Highland High School. On the corner of the school's property there is a very large rock, probably from the excavation of the school's basement. Sometime during the BC teacher's strike some faculty supporters painted that boulder in bright colours and slogans. "Teacher's Rock!" was boldly splashed across it. I drove past that intersection today and noted that someone had coated the entire boulder with flat black paint. My guess it was either the School Board or maybe the school's administration itself. Either way, if they think coating this rock in a coat of nondescript paint is going to stop a student's freedom of expression then I have some swamp land to sell them.

     The Valley was covered in fog for most of the day. It slipped from one ridge to  another. Following creeks and hollows. It was coming off the ocean so everyone had to endure it. In my travels I did get to see some blue sky. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

09:45 hrs.
04 Jan 15

     What is up with the weather?
     Seven out of ten provinces have weather warnings posted. Mind you, its just business as usual for those living out in the Flatlands and, in my opinion, those residing in the Self Proclaimed Centre of Canada deserve it for their arrogance. Here in the VALLEY the weather rock is wet and swinging which indicates the lull has passed and its back to the norm. On the other hand, yesterday was great. I was able to dismantle the Christmas lights from the WAYWARD INN and Loin Fruit #1 assisted in the traditional Post Holiday  Scout Bottle Drive. In past years this well oiled machine has brought in over 20K peices and over $1,800. Not bad for six  hours of work.

     I'm going to put you on hold dear reader as it is time to snag a coffee and plan our brunch. You see, we all slept in today. Might as well since its shitty outside. Brunch will consist of Special Bacon (those who have had it will know what I mean), two - eight inch pancakes with slawed apples between them topped with maple syrop and whipped cream. Doesn't get much better than that.

     Now that the holiday season is finished the focus for many in the VALLEY will return to the business at hand, which for most of the residents under the age of eighteen this means its time to hit the books. That's right kidlets. Back to school. If you were smart (and your teachers were even smarter) you would have been going over your notes during the two week break and your teachers should have assigned some kind of work to keep your minds from turning into mush. As my two  Couch Monkeys loudly proffessed, "Dad, we shouldn't have to do homework. That's why it's called a holiday!" If I was a teacher I'd slap them with a fifty question retention quiz right after any school break that was longer than a week. 

     Is it just me or has schooling gotten soft? My physics teacher nailed us with a "Surprise" quiz every Monday morning. Not much of a surprise really. AND, you had to show your work. Sure, you could use a calculator but you still had to show the math on paper. Why? How about it being proof that you understood the process of the formula. Knowing that Speed = Distance ÷ Time means nothing if you cannot show the ability to solve for any of the variables. George Carlin said it best by classifying the softening of society as "PUSSIFICATION". How right he was.

     Listen folks. No matter where you live, please watch out for the youngsters on the roads. Its still dark out in the mornings and the weather may be shitty out. Couple that with the fact that these kids are coming off a whacked out holiday circadian clock that did not include getting up for breakfast. Ain't life a bitch?

Some ADVICE for a Happy New Year

0835 hrs.
01 Jan 15

     So, here it is...New Year's Day. What is prevelent at this very moment? Another shooting in Alberta! The CBC reports that up to seven individuals were shot at a  house party attended by fifty people. Two of the were critically injured. What the hell is going on? Are we turning into the 51st state? All of the recent killings would indicate that Canada, especially in the I'm Better Than All of You province (Alberta) is accepting violence as a method of resolving issues. Just last week a man in Edmonton killed eight others before killing himself. It's  described as the worst mass killing in the province's history. A record that supersedes the 2014 record of five university studentseing stabbed to death by another student at a house party in Calgary.  If I were you, I wouldn't attend a house party in Calgary...they're murder.

     Us poor souls here in The Valley had an enjoyable New Years celebration. This year we rang in the New Year by attending a gathering of friends up on the Royston Bench. This residence is in the CVRD and is allowed to have a fire pit. With a wobbly pop in hand we sat or stood around a crackling fire under a better than half moon hanging in a star-filled sky. Kinda wished I had a Gen3 night vision unit, like we use OUT IN THE WEEDS, just to show the people the wonders of the sky. No, that's a load of crap. I'd want to show off the gear. But the appies were great (Costco), the beer was free (only had two) and the BETTER HALF  drove home (so I didn't have to worry about the police).

     There has been some movement on the political front. Both provincially and federally. Our Premier, Crusty Clark, has seen fit to fly overseas to open a school or two while close schools here. And, former senator Mike (hog at the trough) Duffy will be before the courts in the next month or so defending himself against multiple fraud charges. His case is to last several months.

22:10 hrs
02 Jan 15

     I am sure that this year will contain a lot of revelations and a lot of excitement. Loin Fruit #1 is working hard at getting ready for his cultural exchange to Italy. On the local front, I haven't heard too much more about the possibility of a new homeless shelter. The local populace had acknowledged that there is a need and is willing to front monies via taxation but I haven't seen any movement on where it will be located.