A New Observation

29 Dec 17
05:55 hrs

     Yesterday, while my Better Half and I were out earning a wage, our two Loin Fruits busied themselves with their assigned chores which they completed to the best of their ability. This means it was done to their satisfaction before something distracted them. By the time I returned to the Wayward Inn the Sr. Couch Monkey had departed to a friend's place and the Jr. Loin Fruit had some of the BOM over to play some games. Not to worry, everything is kosher.

     After the BOM departed their host began to tidy up. Empty juice boxes, dirty  plates from the appies my Lobster made for them (these kids often get fed at the Wayward Inn because they may not be otherwise) and a half empty bowl of  potato chips. A short time later I saw my Lobster snag a couple chips out of the packaged bag but not out of the bowl. When I asked her why she didn't just take them from the bowl she replied that the ones in the bowl were "Dick Chips!"

      "Dick Chips?", sez I.

      "Yes, Dick Chips!"

     "What the hell are Dick Chips?"

     "I have noticed that none of the BOM washes their hands after going to the bathroom. They are not in there long enough to pee and wash so I'm guessing they are not washing afterwards. Then they go back to gaming and ....snacking. Reaching into the bowl to get more shared snacks after holding their dicks. So, every leftover chip in that bowl is highly suspect. I've decided to call them Dick Chips."

     I love this woman. She is so smart! So smart that when the Jr. Couch Monkey came into the room and took a handful from the bowl she commented, "Oh, I see you're having some Dick Chips".

     "What are Dick Chips?", he replied munching away.

     A few moments later......Ewwwww!

Christmas 2017 and The Joy is all Around

24 Dec 17
09:22 hrs

     Chef Blaine and Sous Irene have their work cut out for them this Holiday Season at the Wayward Inn. The normal routine would be to have a large ham with several sides on Christmas Eve. This provides the ingredients for the Christmas Morning Wife Saver (nee savour) breakfast. This has been our tradition of sorts as we have always celebrated the Holidays as a nuclear family - no relatives in attendance.  This year we still do not have extra family visiting but we have found that friends of ours - The Green Jackets - gave no family either. The Green Jackets are an elderly British couple who we have come to know over the past ten years or so. Opinionated and straight shooting, no quarter asked and none given. Just my kind of people and we love them to pieces. My Better Half and I discussed the situation. We quickly decided that on Boxing Day we would entertain them, along with any other friends in need of a hot meal and company.

23:22 hrs.

     The Jolly Olde Elf will soon be here. I'm sure that our boys no longer believe in him but I do. Maybe not in his physical presence but in the magic of Christmas that he represents. Trust me when I say that it still exists and it is up to each of us to keep it alive.

     To quickly update you Dear Readers, we made it to church early or so we thought. The start time on the bulletin said 17:00 hrs. We arrived at 16:20 and walk in to a full blown service. The only seats left available were in the choir's pews but that's okay they were a bit thin and welcomed our voices.

     After the service we drove across town in the snow slicked streets because the Green Jackets were having difficulty with their Internet. While I reset their system my Lobster and the Jr Loin Fruit swept the back stairs of snow. Quick as a wink we were done and on our way home with a detour through Candy Cane Lane to look at Christmas lights.

    
25 Dec 17
06:30 hrs

     It is still quiet at the Wayward Inn.  I am the only one awake. Damn tinitus. Mind you I have always been an early riser. Inherited that from the Sages and enhanced it from the years in the Service. As mentioned, we have no immediate family visiting but The Oma was not alone either. She travelled from the Nation's Capital south to the GTA to enjoy a flurry of sight and sound with her Eldest Daughter et al. My Better Half was video chatting with them yesterday. Like so many of our seniors the technology just astounds them.

     I made some calls to distant friends earlier in the week. Gil, Craig, Trent, Nick and a couple more. Its good to hear their voices. The Sages would make some of their Holiday phone calls up to a week in advance simply because the phone lines would be jammed even between provinces. Now, with modern technology,  it's as if everyone carries their own fibre optic tin can and string. You can call them any time and connect to them.

     Chef Irene and Sous Blaine created their Christmas Morning Wife Saver for us to have for breakfast.

     In a 9 x 11 buttered baking pan place a layer of crustless white bread. Then add a layer of back bacon or ham. Add a layer of good cheddar cheese (you can use low fat but not cheese slices). Top with another layer of crustless white bread. Top with diced onions and peppers.

     In a bowl mix  together the following:
6 large eggs, three cups of whole milk (2% works but we use 2 1/2 cups of 2% and 1/2 cup whipping cream), salt and pepper to taste, a couple of dashes of your favourite hot sauce, a couple of shakes of worstershire sauce and a tablespoon of dry mustard. Slowly pour this mixture over the layered casserole. Then cover and refrigerate over night.

      The next morning take the Wife Saver out of the fridge and uncover. Pre-heat your oven to 375°F. While the oven is heating up crush up some corn flakes and cover the top layer of casserole. Melt 1/2 cup (or so) of butter and drizzle over the crushed cereal. Place it into the oven and bake for one hour.

     Enjoy!

Cuba 2017 - Part Five

23 Nov 17
07:00 hrs

     Time to rise and prep for the day. A couple we met on Monday, Lieasa and Barry, had suggested that we accompany them on a deep sea fishing trip. How could I say no?

09:00 hrs

     We boarded a bus in front of our hacienda. There were quite a few others on already on board. I don't know how many others are going fishing but I do know that we are a party of four on our vessel. I'm sure there would be other boats in the harbour.

     About fifteen minutes later we were at a harbour on the northern most tip of Varadero. Not only were there a number of ocean going fishing boats but the huge touring catamarans were there too. We had thought about going on one of those trips. Sun and sand while under sail to a distant beach for a frolic in the surf. A quick glance at the vessel and both of us were happy that we opted not for the trip. 60 or 80 people were packed onto plastic deck chairs in rows facing each other. It looked grim. There was no breeze so their sailing adventure would be conducted under power. What a disappointment.

09:30 hrs.

     We have boarded the vessel "Lisa". It is manned by a two man crew. The captain gave us the safety briefing and showed us the amenities. The seating, the head, the rum.

10:15 hrs.

     The first line has trailed behind the Lisa. There is one line for each of us. Two straight behind the boat and two on outriggers. The lures are like giant salmon hoochies payed back just far enough to continually break through our wake. The first mate set the rods. All we had to do was watch for a strike and pour our own drinks.

     Unfortunately, the fish didn't want to play. There were two strikes. Barry and his Lobster each had a strike but nothing stayed on. Barry and I blamed this on the fact that the hooks hadn't been honed since before the Revolution. They were so rusty and dull that you would need a tetanus shot just looking at them. What they really needed was a couple of bastard files and a big hook hone to keep them sticky sharp. If not then by the time the fish realizes the bait is a fake the hook will not be stuck if at all. In the long run it didn't really matter. A bad day of fishing is better than a good day at work. Even in Coo-ba!

     Later that night my Better Half and I returned to the Eye-Talian place or maybe the Oriental joint for dinner. We would be skipping dessert.

Cuba 2017 - Part Four

22 Nov 17
0700 hrs.

     I stalked down to the beach to secure our loungers at our desired beach hut. Unfortunately, the Serbs had beaten me to it and the majority of the better spots. Not to worry, where ever it may be, our spot will be the best spot!

     After breakfast my Lobster and I made our way down to the beach where the day was spent swimming, reading, napping and sipping. A person could really get used to this as a lifestyle.

17:00 hrs

     Back in our room it was time for a shower and get ready for dinner. Tonight we were opting for the International Gourmet restaurant.

     Well Kidlettes, there were not one but two bread courses as the appies and mains were slow coming our of the kitchen. They tasted fine. Nothing to write home about. And the dessert? Another disappointment. How in the hell can you screw up a cheese cake? There was no cream cheese and whatever was in there was unrecognizable as cream cheese in a cheese cake sitting in the obligatory leprechaun shit sauce again. On top of all of the menu misidentification the front of the house service was pathetic. Grumpy staff and a lot of inattention to the basics. That's it! No presents for you! And we won't be back!

     Afterwards, we wandered into the Cafe where we enjoyed our nightly coffee and tea. Here the staff are really nice. We choose to sit outside as the flat screen TV  is cranked up with Latin music videos. How can someone sit and enjoy a relaxing coffee with that screaming? Sitting outside, we spotted a couple of small Cuban lizards on the ceiling above us. People walked past oblivious of test little reptiles hanging just a few feet above their heads. It would be all too funny if one of them lost their grip and dropped on the head of some unsuspecting passerby.

Cuba 2017 - Part Three

21 Nov 17
Beach Day

     My Lobster issued forth her orders for me to secure suitable accommodations for us under a beach. So, at 0730 hrs I reconned the beach, selected lounge chairs and secured them with the international symbol of placing towels and books on them.

     Breakfast and lunch have been rather mediocre at the Boo-Fay. Breakfast consists of eggs cooked to order, bacon, a couple of tasteless pancakes and coffee. Surprisingly, there is no milk to drink. At least not at the resorts and what there is tastes thin and unpasteurized.  Now, unpasteurized milk is okay but this stuff tastes like it was drained from a Cuban curr snagged out behind the resort.

     Cuba is a tropical paradise, except for the communists, so you would expect that the fruit would be fresh and in abundance. Hmm...there was fruit but I don't think it should tasty soapy. Cold cuts on the Boo-Fay ... out of the question! The same goes for the cold fish parts - sardines, mackerel or what looked like cut bait swimming in that SAE 10W sauce. Everthing may look good but there is no such thing as Food Safe in Coo-ba.

     Supper this night was at the Eye-Talian restaurant. A very good meal by anyone's standards except for the tiramisu. It was nothing more than the standard resort white flour layered cake, with the requisite mystery fruit compote acting as a glue between the layers, soaked in cold coffee resting on a smear of Creme de Menthe which my Lobster say reminds her of Leprechaun Shit.

     The day ended at the coffee bar with a double espresso for me and a tea for my Lobster. We had an enjoyable day. The sand, the sun, the warm waters, the over pouring at the beach bar...

Cuba 2017 - Part Two

19 Nov 17

     We had fully intended for this to be our first beach day but since we flew in with Westjet we were kind of obligated to meet with the company's Cuban representative. It is this person's task to provide assistance to the Westjet customers in Coo-ba. Every airline or travel agency has a rep that travels to all the resorts on a daily basis. Their biggest task is to inform and sell excursions outside of the resort. Trips to Havana, Trinidad,  Matanzas, day long catamaran rides c/w a lobster lunch, etc. Since we had already been to Cuba and did not relish the follow the herd bus tours my Lobster had booked our excursions with a government sanctioned private company.

     Having to meet the WJ rep delayed our beach time until after lunch which was something that did not make me happy. When we did get to the beach it was fairly packed with an international assortment of tourists. Mostly Serbs, Italians, Germans and French-Canadians.

     Just to be clear the locals pronounce their country as Coo-ba not Qew-ba.

     Varadero had been hit by not one but two hurricanes. The second one was a Cat 5 and although there was some evidence of wind damage in the form of roofs covered in tar paper awaiting shingles. Of course being socialist Coo-ba, if 10,000 packages of shingles were imported no single resort would get tbe lion's share of the shingles. Rather, each resort would get an equal number until none are needed. We had heard that some resorts had lost all of their beach huts and lounge chairs, which was not surprising.

20 Nov 17
Road Trip

     We started our day at 0-Dark 15 by getting ready for our road trip. As I had mentioned, my Better Half had pre-booked two excursions with a government sanctioned private company called Cuba Connections. Our guides were Fernando and Plus 1. Plus 1 was the driver who opened doors, closed doors and most of kept us alive on the Cuban roads. We would be visiting Trinidad - a 503 year old city identified by UNESCO as a World Heritage site and Cienfuego - a 200 year old city founded by the French.

      Fernando had been an art teacher but now he is a professional photographer who creates elaborate and political art pieces by using photos. We found him to be incredibly knowledgeable and opinionated and truthful. Just the kind of guy you would want to hang in a bar with and solve the world's problems. Nice thought except he doesn't drink. 

     Enroute to Trinidad, Fernando took us to a roadside restaurant. I had the Lobster tail, garlic shrimp and seared fish fillet (type unknown). My Better Half had the pollo (chicken). After the meal I complimented the chef. This diminutive Cuban woman had cooked food that was better than anything we had been gnawing on at the resort. The dessert was a coconut flan, not my fave. The flan was served sitting on a swoosh of mysterious green sauce. Surprise!  It's Creme de Menthe. As I've said before and I'll say it again, the Cuban people try hard to be worldly but they should let the world really discover who they are and they will be better for it.