A Quick Trip...

19 Mar 20

11:30 hrs

     I'm sitting the Valley's air terminal. This Beer Flu shit has everyone on edge. In The Old World, The Boot has recorded over 41k case of infection and the mortality rate is 8.3%. Now, that's some scary shit. In this province, the Redneck province next door and others the schools, from K to 12 and post-secondary, are now closed until next year. Restaurants are only doing take out or delivery. Store shelves are emptying as manufacturers have reduced staff or closed. In other words the shit on the shelf isn't there because its not being made.

     My flight was unexpectedly altered two days ago. I was scheduled to depart on the first flight which would have put me into the Nation's Capital at mid day. Nope, due to the lack of interest on the part of the flying public, I was moved to the noon departure arriving in the Nation's Capital after midnight and after a 4 hour delay in Cowtown. I hope a bar is open.

15:22 hrs

     There is an open bar at YYC. And they serve food too. Praise the Almighty!

     This Beer Flu has a lot of people walking thru the terminal with masks on. Me? Not as concerned but I coughed a couple of times on the plane and I swear they were going to toss me into baggage. I got three hours to burn here and the departure gate is at the other side of this section of the terminal. My Lobster had commented that flying on our favourite air carrier, the western one not the national one which happens to allow for a 25% of misplaced/lost luggage per flight, used to be great when coming into YYC one central hub with washrooms and a food court near by. But now the depature gates for this air carrier are spread all over Hell's Half Acre.

16:46 hrs

     Mmmm...shredded short rib with melted provolone on a crisp flatbread topped with fresh arugula, pickled onions and drizzled with thick balsamic vinegar. A quick feast washed down with an IPA. I board in an hour for the Nation's Capital. I have a sandwich in reserve as I'll need my strength when I arrive.

17:25 hrs 

     It should be noted that the prescribed self isolation is nothing new. Since the advent of the smart phone people of a walks and a shapes and sizes have been self isolating. Just turn on the phone. Plug in the bluetooth earbuds and then look about with a blank look on your face when anyone talks to you. Currently, there is a lady sitting across from me with a pair of gold running shoes on. That's right gold. Gold lace, tongue, eyelets, aglets, sides and toe. The only thing not gold is the sole of the shoe. I have never seen shoes like that and I stated, "Nice shoes." I know she saw my lips moving but with the Airbuds plugged into both sides of her head I might as well have been a fluttering chip bag. In fact,  she probably would have responded if I was.

22:00 hrs

     I'm in the air. I don't know where I am in relation to points on the ground. It's still just over an hour before we land so I figure we're probably over The 'Peg. If so well be banking to the right soon, over the Lakehead and down to the Nation's Capital. 

      The flight us about 3/4 full. I lucked in with an aisle seat that my Lobster selected with no one beside me. What I do have is a barking dog and two squawking kids who are being entertained two gloved and medically masked Amah's. Normally, I sleep on aircraft or anywhere else when I'm tired and decorum will not allow me to admonish them. I'm not saying that the little hat-box with legs shouldbe allowed on board. It is in it's soft sided crate but it should been fed a nyquil soaked milk bone. Night Night Fido. Same goes for the two contagion prepped Couch Monkeys. A couple of nyquil lollipops and the cabin when be quiet. So, instead of getting some well needed shut eye I'm blogging to you Dear Readers so you had better appreciate it.

     Another hour to go. We'll start descending soon from our current altitude of 35k feet. My barometric altimeter reads 2208 meters but that's just the cabin pressure. Its time for some Floyd. Or shall we dare ...some Hemispheres? 

20 Mar 20 

08:30 hrs

     Breakfast at the Oma-nator's apartment was a pair of hotdogs, avec mustard and onions, and a whole pot of espresso. I am good to go.

21 Mar 20

10:30 hrs

     Yesterday I repaired a leaky faucet to the best of my ability while my Better Half and  the Oma-nator finished tidying and, sorting and cleaning and tossing out crap. This is good because time is running out and a prospective buyer may be viewing the condo before it goes on the market. Wouldn't it be grand if it sold before we went back to the Left Coast? 

     It's clear and sunny out. Cold too. Yesterday the temperature reached 17C

 Today its -9C and windy.

     We were supposed to be seeing relatives for the long goodbyes because the vast majority of them will never be out to the Wayward  Inn because  they are either too elderly to travel or too wrapped up running on their big city hamster wheels. Oh, they'll still go on vacation to warm sandy beaches with catered meals. But, when offered the chance to dodge the chilly rat race it's a NO GO! So be it. The urban stress will eradicate them.

11:30 hrs

     We're hiding in the hunter blind that is the guest room on the Lobby floor. The Oma-nator and my Lobster have joined me. Mind you, I'm trying to nap. We're anticipating the arrival of the potential buyer. Fingers crossed that it's a go. One less anchor around our collective necks. 

     I took a look outside this morning and I realized that this, as with many cities in the Great White North,  is very ugly in the winter. Snow or no snow. Dirt and grime from sanding the streets covers almost everything. Disgusting. Local citizens shuffling, head down, no eye contact and no smiles. The place just sucks the life out of you.

12:45 hrs

     An offer has been proposed. I think it's a good offer. If there are no conditions I'd take it and run straight back.... to the Wayward Inn. It hasn't been presented yet as I'm sure the ink will still be drying on the paperwork. 

19:30 hrs

     The deal is struck. And it's a good offer with no conditions. As I said, take it and run all the way to the bank. In the meantime,  back in the home front,  it seems the Sr. Loin Fruit is having an issue with the self isolation guide lines that were strongly suggested as a response to the Beer Flu. Now, for someone who spends a lot of time online playing games having to physically keeping away from other hominids should not be an issue. The whole world will have learn to be alone for the next couple of months.It could be worse. In one Banana Republic if your house number ends in an odd number then one member is allowed to do errands on Tuesdays,  Thursdays and Saturday. If it's an even number its Monday, Wednesday and Friday. 

22 Mar 20

21:00 hrs

     It seems that some people across the Great White North are not practicing social distancing which can and will lead to more people getting infected with the Beer Flu. As a result different measures are being employed to educate the morons. Parks  playgrounds, beaches and other free public spaces are being closed, fines are being levied and in some places people are faced with being jailed if they continue to congregate. 

    And it's not just the individual moronic citizens that at risk but all of the health care professionals who are even more at risk. They will burn out and get sick too. That's why retired medical professionals are being asked to step up and come back to help. Crazy times.

23 Mar 20 

06:45 hrs

     I see the Tangerine Tyrant is spewing his verbal diarrhea again. The other day he claimed that the malaria drug chloroquine is effective against the Beer Flu. Immediately the chief doctor who is driving the bus against the epidemic said "Oh, no it isn't!" But this didn't stop pharmacists in Nigeria to jack the prices of chloroquine while pushing the rhetoric as the truth. Three Nigerians overdosed on chloroquine. 

     The movers will be here soon and I need to get a coffee and some groceries down my neck. 

24 Mar 20

07:15 hrs

     Yesterday the movers came and went. My sister in law,  the Voodoo Priestess from the Golden Horseshoe,  and her Lobster arrived in the Nation's Capital to aid in the dissolution of the Oma-nator's residence. By 21:00 hrs last night we were all pretty much spent. My Lobster and my Bro In Law punted my butt out at the airport just over an hour ago. This will be a three stage journey. The Nation's Capital to the Golden Horseshoe, from the Golden Horseshoe to Cowtown and after a five hour layover I will head to the Rock.     

     My Lobster, her sister and my Bro In Law will finish packing the rented van with the Oma-nator's dispersed remnants before driving to the Golden Horseshoe. It will be a four hour + road trip. The Oma-nator and my Better Half will spend two days there before flying west to home at the Wayward Inn. 

09:00 hrs

     I'm at the terminal in the Golden Horseshoe. I gave my Lobster a quick call and the Oma-nator's condo is just about swept clean. They'll be hitting the road and I'll be headed to Cowtown at about the same time. I think I'll beat them.

19:30 hrs

     I am home at the Wayward Inn! The Sr. Couch Monkey picked me up at the terminal. All was good. Coming over the rocks I spotted a river valley that looked vaguely familiar. The sight was confirmed when I looked farther north and saw the lake that the Sages live beside. Thirty minutes later we were on approach to the Valley.

     Be it ever so humble there is no place like home.

Etu Brute!

15 Mar 20

14:00 hrs

     Happy Ides of March! Beware of friends with sharp pointy things. Maybe Big Julie would have survived the day if he had self isolated. 

     The plans to close out the Oma-nator's place in the Nation's Capital is being altered due to the Beer Flu that has begun to shake the Great White North to its frozen core. Schools are closing, trains are shutting down and public gatherings are being curtailed.

16 Mar 20

04:30 hrs

     I awoke this morning to a message from another Brother in Arms that the Beer Flu has officially arrived here in the Valley. I haven't seen anything on the news as of yet but if he has more sources than I do and is really plugged into the pulse of the Valley. If this is the case, and I have no reason to doubt him, then all those shit ticket hoarders can now justify their stupidity.

     DON'T PANIC! JUST WASH YOUR FRICKIN HANDS & KEEP YOUR DISTANCE!

     My Lobster and I have altered our travel plans due to the Beer Flu. The side trip to la Belle Province is out. My journey to the Nation's Capital has been altered as has their return to the Valley. Her biggest worry is not that the Oma-nator will catch this bug but the transportation mode may be closed and then they will be stuck there for a couple more weeks. All she wants is to get the hell out of Dodge. Who can blame her.

Buzz Buzz Buzz

09 Mar 20

04:15 hrs

     Good Morning Dear Readers,

I am up and at 'em as my Lobster's alarm was sounding off just over an hour ago. I must have hit some stupid setting when I reset the clock for daylight saving time. You know, you try to do something nice for someone and all you get is two hours less sleep.

     I watched an interesting series on Netflix called Hunters. Holocaust survivors and their descendants hunting down Nazis who were purposely brought to the Hugh-ess (this really happened under Operation Paperclip - you can look it up). At the same time the relocated Germans are trying to create the Fourth Reich in the Hugh-ess. Al Pacino stars in a leading role and he does a great job. (I would really like to see Serpico again.) My co-worker, Buster, put me on to another series, The Man in the High Tower. It's a twist on history. Imagine if the Allies did not win WWII because the Nazis had developed their heavy water program first and had nuked the Hugh-ess. Set in the mid-60's the country was divided in half, much like Berlin was, with the Nazis occupying and controlling everything east if the Rockies and the Japanese empire holding everything else to the Left Coast. As with most You-All dystopian movies the Great White North doesn't even enter into it. I've seen three episodes and the screen writers have put a lot of small details that are very necessary to make this believable. It is surprising how many twisted history White Power movies and series on the Idiot Box. That's okay as long as the viewers realize that what they are watching is an authors conception of what could have been and not what should have been. I'm worried that the Tangerine Tyrant's Sycophants are taking these shows in as a template for their view of the world.

10 Mar 20

05:15 hrs

     The virus that is sweeping the globe has now infected 110,000 and killed 4,000. In the Old Country, The Olde Boot has told its citizens that travel between towns is no longer allowed unless it's an emergency. Yoi can stay at home or you can go to jail for three months. Here on the Left Coast some schools have temporarily closed if a person has shown to test positive for the virus. And the really weird thing about this new epidemic is that it has caused people to stockpile shit tickets. Now, I have not checked out the symptoms of the virus but maybe diarrhea is one of them and that's the reason reason people are hoarding ass wipe. It's either that or just sheer panic buying.

     Here's something... the Jaguar car manufacturer has won the World Car of the Year award for it's all electric vehicle in 2019. The new 2020 IPace model is currently selling for $89,995. I suppose even the Uber wealthy want to be environmentally conscious. 

     Meanwhile, in the Nation's Capital,  my Better Half has been progressing with the selling off the Oma-nator's belonging as there will be no room for all of her stuff at the Wayward Inn. My Lobster has been trying to limit the amount of stuff that is coming but her mom is resistant to the notion of donating the majority of it. It's not that the Oma-nator and her husband were hoarders (well, I thing he had a tinge of the collector gene in him) but people do gather items as time goes by. And, after eight decades of being on this Rock you can expect that one's nest to be fairly well feathered.

11 Mar 20

08:30 hrs

     I just spotted a starling. A European starling. A bird species that was brought to this side of the pond in the 19th Century by some clueless Shakespean nerdowells  who thought it would be nice to have the birds from home. These little buggers have few enemies and can swarm in the tens of thousands. When it comes to aircraft they can build nests in the tiniest of access holes in just minutes. These nests can and will jam flight controls, actuators and pressure sensors or switches. A documented account of an eradication attempt can be found in So There I was...Tales from the Flight Line. 

     I hate them.

Hold my beer!

03 Mar 20

14:30 hrs

     The Oma-nator and my Better Half are heading to the Nation's Capital to complete the move to the Wayward Inn. They'll have their work cut out for them. I'll be there to help out a couple weeks later with the Sr. Couch Monkey holding down the fort for a week.

     I'm sure you've heard of the corona virus that jumped from the Far East to the Middle East to this side of the pond. As the Tangerine Tyrant pontificated the Great White North had scientists in the Far East when this problem first erupted. The You-Alls did nothing. Now, His Orangness has stated that he has created a virus war room in the WH. Well, he would have to if he hadn't dismantled the one created by the former Prez when the big Ebola scare hit a half dozen or so years ago. Fricken moron! But to his acolytes this shows that he is on top of the shit pile.

04 Mar 20

06:15 hrs

     Yesterday was Super Tuesday in the Hugh-ess. The biggest Donkeystyle voting day to determine whi shall go against the Tangerine Tyrant. Big deal.

     Well, actually it is a big deal as the wrong candidate will just be carved up by the Ruskies and then swallowed whole by the Minions. It would seem that Benie is on the outside and the former VP will be in. This is good as Bernie represented too much change too fast at too great a cost. Not to mention his pro-Castro comments which revived the whole Socialism is Communism scare. It would seem that the You-All fear of the Red Menace will never die and yet the current POTUS is Putin's bitch.

     Earbuds or headphones? That is the current problem facing my Lobster. She will probably take the earbuds for the trip. Of course the Oma-nator keeps asking me what will we be eating while they are gone. As if Chef Blaine has no clue as to what to make. In a way she does have a point because last summer when my Lobster and the Oma-nator went to the Fatherland it didn't take long before the Jr. Loin Fruit to start complaining that we weren't eating any veggies. Well, onions and tomatoes are veggies - technically tomatoes are a fruit so what do you want for nothing. 

17:00 hrs

     Looks like this virus is really picking up speed in the Hugh-ess. Over 150 cases reported in sunny PlasticWood alone. Theme parks have been shuttered for weeks now and I bet that will be costly. And people are buying up supplies like crazy. The Voodoo Priestess in the Golden Horseshoe reports that there is no TP left at the big box stores. I picked up an extra package today just to be on safe side. Now, I'm sure this crap is eventually going to reach the Rock. Not to panic but following simple procedures will save lives. If you are really sick stay home or head out into the Weeds for a long walk at night where the beasts with great gnashing teeth will assist in stopping the spread of the virus. If you are running low on food look for rabbit colonies. Do you own a bow? I do. And I will take the appropriate measures to feed my family. 

04 Mar 2020

04:00 hrs

     I am awake. 

     The coffee is on.

     The Oma-nator and my Better Half are packed and ready to depart for the Nation's Capital.

     I'll be asleep in an hour. 

You are what you drive.

24 Feb 20

19:00 hrs.

      Today is the Oma-nator's birthday. A happy 87 years young she is. For supper at the Wayward Inn we had pork Schnitzel,  blau kraut, eggless noodles - just for the Onion, potato/cucumber salad ala Oma,  sauteed mushrooms and a Schnitzel dill sauce. The only thing that Chef Blaine did was prep the pork last night. The test was handled by Sous Irene and Prep Bowen. They did a bang up job too.

     The new dishwasher is now installed and tonight is the full load test. We are also monitoring for leakage. Keep your fingers crossed. 

     Last Saturday I was working at a static position and listening to the local rock station. The good one. Not the BeeGee/Criss Cross/soft pop rap crap station. In the afternoon one of the DJ's was on location at a local vehicle dealership professing the benefits of purchasing a new set of wheels. But you have to ask yourself what is the right set of wheels for me? Or why do I drive this type of vehicle? Or why do I prefer this manufacturer over others?

     I used to love my First on Race Day.  Growing up most of our vehicles were First on Race Day. My patrol vehicle was a First on Race Day.  But, the local dealership provided really shitty service so when it came time to get a new vehicle I went with the Ram. 

     Now, some people buy a vehicle as a physical projection of their persona. My Lobster calls it a Penis on Wheels. This could be a truck that is jacked up with lift kits and over-sized tires or it could be a sleek and polished muscle car that the owner parks sideways in a parking lot in order to protect it from scratches and door dings or it could be the rusted out POS with the bass thumping stereo driven by the neighbour's kid that shakes you out of bed at Oh-Dark-30. I'm sure you have all experienced this.

     Some vehicles just don't seem to fit the driver. Like they are showing the world what they think they are when they really are not. And some vehicles just shouldn't be driven at all due to their impractical design. Dodge came out with a low cut station wagon that is very difficult to get in or out of. The Cube has a rear window that has a massive blindspot covering 1/4 of the window.

25 Feb 20

05:30 hrs

     There is a new season of Alone that has come out. Alone: The Beast. Instead of having ten people with ten items try to survive as long as they possibly can the producers took three people with no items except for a 1,000 pound dead moose. And they have to last 30 days. I'm 20 minutes into the first episode. They're on Day 2. The moose is butchered and cleaned the shelter is started and one member of the party has developed a cough. The twist in the cutrent objective is better than the partnered season and will be far more entertaining than when they went to Patagonia. It's not a survival situation if the winner lasts 89 days in a three room house constructed out of bamboo. Overall, the series is pretty good. Three or four seasons were filmed in a desolate location On the Rock. It started in mid-September and progressed into the wet of winter. The winner of the first season lasted 56 days drinking rain water, eating grubs and slugs and sleeping inside a log. Now that's survival.

27 Feb 20

15:00 hrs

     The swans are still in the Valley. They should be starting their migration back north in a few weeks I would imagine. I saw a hummingbird today while working on a second ramp for the Oma-nator.  If this keeps up the Wayward Inn will look like a pinball palace with ramps and jumps and hidden targets.

Springing

18 Feb 20

15:00 hrs

     Yes, spring is coming fast to the Valley. The days are longer. I can tell because the solar rope lights on the gazebo covering the Flame Pit stay on longer in the evening. I noticed that the rope light wrapped around the palm tree at the front of the Wayward Inn is no longer functioning and it will have to be replaced. The amount of daily precipitation has dropped considerably in the last week or so which is making me happy. Rain is one thing deluge is another. Pretty soon I'll be cutting the lawn. My Lobster and I have done some pre-spring basics - deadheading some plants and pruning others. I have pruned the apple tree, the blueberry and Saskatoon berry bushes. My hope is that the Saskatoon berry bushes really start to produce this year. In my opinion Saskatoon berries are superior to blueberries. A friend of mine and former co-worker, Mean Jean, lives here in the Valley. She is from a small town on the Wide Open Prairie and knows the value of a Saskatoon berry and she has a number of Saskatoon berry trees in her yard. Lucky her.

     Some interesting movies on Netflix. Coach Carter, Red Sparrow, The Boy in the Striped Pajamas. I watch them in the mornings before going to work because in the evenings its Spin the Wheel time. 

19 Feb 20

07:00 hrs

     It's another frosty morning here in the Valley. 

21:00 hrs

     It's pure torture. Please put me out of my misery. The Masked Singer? I swear it's just an excuse to bring the furry deviants to the forefront. 

20 Feb 20

06:15 hrs

     Things are certainly coming to a head when it comes to budget restraints. In a small town in a small state in the Hugh-ess the town council voted to shutter the police department. There was only one police officer on the force and he had served the town for twenty years. The council ordered that the department be closed and that all materials belonging to or representing the department be returned immediately. The officer, who was sitting in the meeting, stood up and stripped to his underwear before walking out of the meeting. Why not? He was fired and with not other serving officers there was no one to arrest him for public indecency. 

     Do you think I would do any different?

     Rail blockades have been taking place across the Great White North over the construction of gas lines through First Nations land. Now the elected Band Councils had approved the construction but the Hereditary Chiefs said no way. Then the blockades went up and the cops were called and the protesters started marching and our PM was glad handing in The Desert.

Happy Lover's Day

14 Feb 20

06:30 hrs

     It is Valentine's Day 2020 and in Jolly Ole England some guy took the offensive by purchasing a billboard for £700 to look for a date. He had 2,400 applicants. Cool move. Here at the Wayward Inn Valentine's goodies were handed out last night. We gave the Oma-nator a Valentines card, chocolate and a society magazine. First time she had ever received anything in her 86 year existence. That's sad.

     The big news going on across the wires are the First Nations protests going on in the Great White North. Railways have been closed everywhere. So, no good are moving anywhere and a lot of goods move by rail bith raw materials and finished goods. The Feds had better get this shit settled. Our Jr. Loin Fruit went to protest in Capital City.  I have to admire him for his convictions but had better be careful or he will be convicted.

16:30 hrs

     The Oma-nator was watching the New Match Game hosted by the Sr. Baldwin. One of the celebrities was Mr Danke Shoen himself, Wayne Newton. Nice voice but the plastic surgery done on his physiognomy has turned into a human gecko and when I was watching I was waiting for his left eye to pop out when the skin was stretched too tight.

20:00 hrs

      The Oma-nator,  my Better Half and I are watching A Marriage Story. A pretty intense movie. I dare you to watch something else on Valentine's Day.