Do it! Do it now!

08:45 hrs.
18 Oct 15

     So, here's the thing. I don't  particularly care what colour your political stripe is. Red, blue, orange or green. It just doesn't make any difference to me. What does make a difference is the apathy of the Canadian public towards our elected political leaders. And that is the key phrase. Elected.

     These individuals who stand up and argue in the House of Commons are your representatives. They work for you, or at least they are supposed to. Bu,t they are paid by you through your tax dollars. Now, as burdensome as the voting process is be thankful that we do not live South of the 49th. Their political system is so polarized that it is truly amazing if any thing gets accomplished. The one thing that is different, well two things, between them and us is that 'Mericans take the Right to Vote much more seriously than we do and they vote more often. In the middle of a governments four year term they hold a mid-term election where some positions are up for grabs. I don't know which ones but this event is often used by the voting public to voice their approval/disappoval of the ruling party when they cast their ballot and the re-election of the same individuals would be considered as the public's approval of the current government. There are also more non-governmental positions that are elected in the US. Judges, sherrifs, District Attorneys and a host of others are all elected by the public. Imagine the local RCMP detachment commander having to run for office every four years? Or the head of the Crown Attorneys office? What party would you want them to be aligned with. Would a sitting judge who was NDP be more effective than a Tory? Makes you think doesn't it. In the end it doesn't really  matter. What does matter is that You do your part an get your ass off the couch and head for a polling station to cast your vote. Remember, if you don't vote you have no right to complain.

17:30 hrs.

     What hell is up with the shopping stores in this Burg? All I want is an Otterbox to protect my phone that is any colour other than black. With all of the outlet stores handling this product in town you would figure that at least one would have this item in more than one colour.

     Not a fucking chance!

     Walmart? No.
     Staples? No.
     The kiosk in the mall? No.
     Best Buy? (Ah, the best for last.) In a word - NO. But to get to that point you have to endure the constant "Can I help you?" from the effervescent drug infused staff.
     "No, I'm just looking."
      And when you do ask if they have the item you need the circling vulture states that if it's not in the store they can order it in. Hell, I  can do that from Amazon and have it delivered to my house cheaper than what it is instore.  I just figured that being an electronics store they might just have an assortment of electronic goods that I could in fact purchase. Guess I was wrong.
      It's like going to Chapters to buy a book that they never have. Thousands of books. None of which I want to read. But, I could order it in.

     On the construction front someone is reconfiguring the old Pizza Hut at the corner of 17th and Cliffe. If anyone knows what it is going to be please let me in on the secret.

Been waiting long?

17:30 hrs.
13 Oct 15

     I am truly sorry Dear Readers. I have not forsaken you for some other menial occupation such as weed whacking or boot licking. My BETTER HALF and I have been trying to get back into the swing of things after our sojourn to Cuba.  We have actually caught ourselves looking at our watches and noting that we would still be hanging out on the beach or rocking gently in the surf, if we were still down there. In fact my LOBSTER has often mentioned what the current temperature was at the resort. That being said there is still no place lke home.

     For those of you who enjoy a walk in the woods may I suggest that you pick up a copy of "A Walk in the Woods" by Bill Bryson. It is an absolute riot. It came put a number of years ago but has been re-published to coincide with the release of the film starring Robert Redford and Nick Nolte. And speaking about a walk in the woods my best beloved LOBSTER is allowing me to attend the expedition on the mainland at the end of October. I know, I know. I'll miss Halloween and all the little ghoulies but since I am going to suss out one big ass monster I figure I won't miss much.

     How was your Thanksgiving?  We spent ours up at Alder Bay.  Three hours north as the crow flies. Go past Sayward. Go past the turn off to Woss and if you hit Port McNeil you have gone too far so turn around and head towards Telegraph Cove. We like going up there at this time of year because no one is there. Its also a time to abandon the electronic umbilical cords - no texting - no words with friends - etc... Well, try to push that concept onto our senior Couch Monkey and you are looking for a huge grumpy PITA, (PAIN IN THE ASS).

17:00 hrs.
14 Oct 15

     The Halloween decorations at THE WAYWARD INN are taking shape. The final coup des grais will be up to my BETTER HALF and the two Loin Fruits as I will not be here. I hope that it all turns out okay. It's a lot of little details but I am sure that they will be able to figure it out.

     And that's about it kidlets. I heard that the Jays won their division. Big whoopee! I would rather have a rectal exam performed on me by a horned toad than pay to watch a MLB game. Over paid entertainers and fat cat owners. So, stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

How many?

11:50 hrs.
04 Oct 15

     How many icebergs does it take to sink a ship? One, if you're the Titanic.

     How many different single malt whiskies are in my cupboard? Five, currently.

     How many pencils does it take to render a clothes dryer in operative? Only one, but three and a broken pen ensures that the squirrel cage will not move.

     I must take this time to thank my junior Loin Fruit for giving me the opportunity to utilize the skills I had acquired at the Habitat for Humanity Re-Store. Skills in tearing apart large appliances, inspecting them and then re-assembling them. Skills that, if not practiced, will be lost. Skills that have saved the family a $100 service bill. Be warned young padowan that the next time it happens I will be teaching you these skills or you can pay me for the repairs.

The Things You Need in Cuba!

17:55 hrs.
01 Oct 15

     Yes Dear Readers, I am back!
     Chef Blaine has returned to The WAYWARD INN.

     I must say that my LOBSTER and I had the most fantastic time at Breezes Veradaro on the Island of Cuba. It is an all inclusive resort. And by that, I mean the booze and food are FREE! But, it will still cost you. Let me explain so you can understand. TIPS. Everyone is looking for tips from the tourists. Why? Well, let's back up the history truck a bit. After the Cuban Revolution in the late 1950's and the October Crisis in 1962 a trade embargo was enacted between the US  and Cuba leaving the island nation exchanging goods with the Soviet Bloc. Cuba's prime export was sugar and the USSR bought a lot of sugar. Prior to 1990 Cuba was the third largest sugar producer in the world.

     So, what happened after 1990? Well Nancy, the Iron Curtain was coming down and the Soviets could no longer support themselves or any of their satellite countries. This left the Cubans, the Somalis and all the other Left Leaning countries out in the cold. Everyone knows what happened in Somalia but in Cuba they were a little better off. Not much but a little better. After the realization that the Cuban people would have to pull themselves out of the trenches about five years ago Castro allowed Cubans to own their own businesses. This means the Cuban people can work in a semi-open market.

Hear endeth the lesson

07:25 hrs.
04 Oct 15

     Face cloths
     Bar soap
     Imodium
     Large mug type drink holders with lids
     Toilet paper
     Zip loc bags to seal things
     Baby powder
     Snacks for in hotel room
     A sun hat
     Waterproof sunscreen

Still enroute!

08:35 hrs. EST
21 Sep 15

    So after an hour delay off of the Rock we had a thirty minute flight into YVR followed by six hour wait. Our four flight to YYZ was packed solid save the seat between yours truly and the mystery person pressed sleepily against the cabin wall. My BETTER HALF was seated across the aisle from me.

     The only good thing about flying into YYZ was the fact that we are leaving for VAR in four hours from landing. West Jet handled the luggage transfer and the only thing we had to do was search out some growlies at Caplansky's Deli. Good eats at air terminal prices. Thank goodness for holiday pay.

     09:01 hrs.
     We'll boarding soon Dear Readers. The flight to VAR from YYZ takes less time than it does to get to YYZ. Let it be known that by supper time on the Left Coast we will be pool side enjoying drinks with little umbrellas or at least a beer.

So this is it!

06:25 hrs.
20 Sep 15

     Today is the day.
     That's right. My LOBSTER and I are outta here. Heading for a warmer climate. And somewhere out of the 'Merican Sphere of Influence. Any guesses?

      Cuba! You are correct sir! Give the man a cigar!

     We are departing sometime this afternoon for a multi stage flight. YQQ to YVR to YYZ and then on to Drama-less Island. It's kinda like the Canadian kids cartoon called "Total Drama Island" that loosely followed the "Survivor" format, only in this version there are no Loin Fruits and therefore there will be no self-centred soul sucking drama. It will be just my LOBSTER and I. My plan is to have mojitoes for breakfast.

     And what of the Loin Fruits? We elicited the aid of the Sages to conduct the over watch at the WAYWARD INN much to the consternation of the senior Couch Monkey. Life's rough buttercup.

     So, Dear Readers you may not be hearing from me for a while but trust in that you will be getting a full run down on all of the juicy details. How about a selfie on the Bay of Pigs? Or maybe from inside Omar Khadr's cell in Guantanamo?  Surely, as a Canadian citizen the US military would let me take a peek inside.  Maybe not.

TTFN

    

Time is Drawing Near.

08:40 hrs.
14 Sep 15

     Yes, time is drawing near for a great number of things. Here in the VALLEY the new cable ferry at Buckley Bay has finally arrived. The training work ups, from all indications is going well and the vessel is slated to be fully operational in the next month or so. It won't make a lick of difference to the residents of Denman Island. Their hatred of BC Ferries runs so deep that any company vehicles left on the the island are routinely vandalized. FRICKIN HOODLUMS!

     Work on the new hospital is sceaming along too. The number of temporary workers has increased exponentially and evidence of their numbers is evident by the lack of parking anywhere within 500 metres from the work site. The new firehall and training centre on the other side of the road is also going up fast. Another major project is the addition of another traffic lane on Lerwick. When  completed there will be four ĺanes from Ryan Rd. all the way to the intersection with Valley View Dr. Its about bloody time.  Anyone with a student at Isfeld will attest to the problem of turning right and merging with the flow of traffic when school lets out. If the City of Courtenay engineers had any clue they would put in a set of traffic lights at the entrance to the school that would allow vehicles to exit safely. This work will go on until November at least. Unless you have to travel through the area I would avoid it during peak traffic times.

     The next big project is the straightening of Vanier Drive through to Dove Creek Rd. and the replacement of the bridge over the Tsolum River. That project hasn't started yet, except for the surveying, but it is supposed to be completed the same time as the new hospital in 2017.

     Have you set your dvr for the new season of your favourite tv shows? The new season of Big Bang Theory starts on 21 September. I don't know which direction the program is going to go in the character development. There are now so many different plots that my BETTER HALF often laments that the first few seasons were better as the characters were much more nerdy and that was what the show was all about. Nerds trying to cope in a real world environment. Personally, I am looking forward to Elementary.

     This just in...an American airlines pilot boarded the wrong plane and flew it to Hawaii. Not that the plane couldn't go to Hawaii. It wasn't scheduled to go to Hawaii. In fact, it hadn't been certified for a flight to Hawaii and I don't think the passengers really wanted to go to Hawaii.  Imagine if you're sitting on an aircraft waiting to taxi out from the gate on your long awaited vacation. You watch as the plane next to you, same type and from the same airline is pushed back. No big deal. You've seen it a hundred times. And you wait and wait and WAIT for your turn. Nothing happens because your pilots are on the other plane. All systems go. Imagine being a passenger on the other plane and you were supposed to be headed to Tuscon when you notice youve been flying over water for more than an hour. Too funny.

     A quick note Dear Readers.  The posts to comoxvalleyviews may be lacking over the next couple of weeks as my LOBSTER and yours truly will be on hiatus. Never fear the Couch Monkeys will be under the control of the Sages. Boy are they in for a rude awakening!